Reverse The Curse In Your Marriage

There are thousands of books on marriage. There are many radio programs and ministries that are dedicated to fixing your marriage. I spent a lot of time when I was growing up on tractors listening to Christian radio. I heard many programs explaining how to make your marriage better. Now all this information is helpful. But it was on my honeymoon when I heard something that really clarified why we have marriage problems and what the solution is to our marriage problems.

   We were driving into Oregon listening to John Macarthur's teaching on the fulfilled family, a sermon series on Ephesians 5:22-6:4. He said something that I won't forget. Here are two quotes from that sermon series.


   "People will ask me what’s the key to your marriage or what’s the key to your family, how is it that your family is so close or you are close to your wife and you have such a wonderful relationship and I can just go back to this.  There is no magic, there is no formula, there is no gimmicks.  It’s not a  question of how many times did we do this or how many times did we do that or who was in charge of this or what kind of processes or methods did we use.  It’s simply a question and it has to start in my heart, am I committed to obedience to the Spirit of God, am I committed to the controlling influences of the Word of God, am I going to live out a Christian life?"  

"Because of fallenness there will be conflict.  You have to go back to the spiritual dimension to end it and that’s what’s so wonderful about this passage that we are looking at and you can go back to Ephesians now, that the solution to the conflict in marriage is spiritual and it starts with allowing the Holy Spirit to control your life, letting the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, obeying the Spirit of God as he reveals his will through the will of God.  Only the power of the Holy Spirit can reverse the curse in a home.  Where you have a Spirit filled person in the home, you have hope.  You ever try to pick a fight with a Spirit controlled person? Ever try to pick a fight with a totally joyful person that just has rising joy in their heart? Ever try to pick a fight with somebody who is thankful for everything, even the conflict?  Ever try to pick a fight with somebody who is totally submissive.  Very difficult.  Where that exists there is hope.  It’s a spiritual issue.  Conflict goes where the Holy Spirit dominates."  

     I thought these quotes were so good, that I should leave it at that. But perhaps a word or two is in order. Why does your marriage suck? Why do you have problems in your marriages? The answer is that you have two sinners who got married to each other that have some sanctification issues. "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask" James 4:1-2 

    How do you fix your marriage conflicts? In almost every case, the solution is more heart and life holiness. If we pursue holiness and fellowship with God, then there will be some improvement in our marriages. Now you might be married to an unbeliever, even though they may profess to be a Christian, which in that case may mean that the more godly you are, the more they will despise you. Unregenerate people hate the light. John 3:19-20. But even unbelievers may willingly live with a godly Christian. 

   With all the marriage advice books out there, you would think that the Bible is full of marriage tips and helps. But there is very little said on marriage. This is because if you follow the commands in Scripture to walk in holy living, then your marriage will not suffer. But don't try to live a godly life for the sole purpose of improving your marriage. Live to please and know the Lord, and when you do so, the other areas of your life, including marriage, will be affected for the better.
     
   So if your marriage is in trouble, go to God in repentance and ask Him to help you to love your spouse. Use the means of grace that God has given; prayer, Bible reading, preaching...etc. Don't worry about trying to change your spouse. You can't change them anyways. You have the responsibility before God to love your spouse, even if you think they are your enemy. God even calls you to love your enemies. Does love rule your home life?


"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3 
   

Brad

    

God's Message For Us In Song Of Solomon

  I recently began studying the book of Song of Solomon. I find many of the details difficult. It is a very poetic book and it is a challenge to interpret the flow of the book and its very beautiful language. But one thing that is not a challenge to understand is God's purpose and message in this book, although many in church history have confused the purpose of this book. Many have understood Song of Solomon as an allegory with the young woman as the church or the believer and the young man as Christ. While there is some merit in this approach, as I will explain later, I think this way of looking at this booked is flawed. There is a simpler and more logical way of understanding God's purpose for us in Song of Solomon.

God gave us the Song of Solomon to honour marriage and sexual intimacy in marriage. God wants us to see what wonderful gifts love, marriage, and sex are.  God wants us to enjoy marriage. Sexual intimacy in marriage is a gift from God to be enjoyed. Such a book calls us to honour marriage too in our words, deeds, and thoughts. It calls us to love our wives or husbands more. Song of Solomon should lead us to worship such a good God who gives such wonderful gifts to His creatures.

Sadly, marriage is dishonoured among so many, even in the church. The early church thought low of marriage. They had a high estimate of celibacy, which was to be perfered over marriage. The truly holy were those who were celibate. Marriage was often thought to simply be a way to protect a person from lust and fornication. Later this turned into forcing all the clergy to be celibate. The Catholic church even controlled the sexual activity of its people in the Middle Ages. There were many special days where people were forced to abstain from sex. Sex was considered carnal and fleshly, only to be done to produce children, not to be enjoyed. Song of Solomon corrects these wrong ideas about marriage and sex. Song of Solomon honours marriage and sex. Both are to be enjoyed as gifts of God, so long as they are used as He prescribes.

Another problem that can be corrected by understanding Song of Solomon is talking about sex in a coarse and crude manner. So many make dirty jokes, disgusting innuendo, and vulgar remarks. These have no place in the Christian's speech. Song of Solomon uses poetic language to veil the private and sacred nature of sexual intercourse. It speaks of these things in a discreet and respectful way. God wants us to do so as well.

 Song of Solomon shows us how God views marriage and how we should view it as well. In an age of  failing marriages and divorce, people are cynical about marriage. It is so bad now that people don't even get married because they know it will fail. The marital state is mocked and belittled. But the problem is not a defect in God's design of marriage, but a defect in people. The fall into sin has corrupted us. Sin has ruined us. Sin destroys relationships. Sin abuses marriage. Sinful people have taken God's gift of marriage and sex and dragged them though the manure or devalued them. Marriages don't work, because people don't work. How sad God must be to see this broken world. But God has given us hope that marriages can be fixed.

Thankfully we can be fixed since there is hope in Christ. In Christ, God can forgive us and change us by causing us to be born again. We can become new creatures in Christ. Through His power and sanctifying work in our lives, our marriages can be restored to what God intended them to be. The more a couple grows in holiness, the better marriage they will have. The most important thing we need in our marriages is more holiness. We can't realize the delight of marriage on our own. We need the power of the gospel in our lives. As we read Song of Solomon, keep this in mind.

Marriage is to be a picture that illustrates the love of Christ and His church. We can understand this from Ephesians 5 verse 23-33. There the relationship between Christ and the church is the pattern and model for how a husband and wife are to live together in marriage. This connection between Christ and the church and marriage is called a mystery. In the New Testament a mystery is something that was hidden in the Old Testament but now revealed in the New Covenant. So in the Old Testament they would not have understood that marriage was to be a picture of the future relationship with Christ and His Church. Since marriage is to reflect Christ and the church, the love of this couple in Song of Solomon can give us a picture of the love of Christ for His church and the love the church is to have for their Lord. It is in this way that we can apply Song of Solomon to Christ and only this way. The book is not a allegory or a parable. To read it this way is to confuse and ignore the reason God gave us this beautiful book.

-Brad

How To Find a Wife (or a Husband)

"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

Proverbs 31:10

The counsel I am going to give now is the counsel I wish I had when I went out looking for a wife. In spite of my errors and stumbling, God gave me a great wife. All I can do is praise His grace. This passage of scripture describes the excellent wife. My wife wrote more about the characteristics of this woman in this post. But in this post I want to give some advice on how to find this kind of wife. What I say about finding this excellent wife could also be said about finding the excellent husband. So ladies, don't tune out, just apply the principles to finding a godly man.

The first truth we learn is that finding an excellent wife is hard. It is not easy to find a wise wife. She is a rare women. Now here in these verse this wise woman is a perfect wife. No one will find her since no woman is perfect. But we are not looking for perfection but progression. Is this woman born again and is she growing in godliness? If you look for perfection, you will be a single man all your life. Yet a godly, but still sinful, woman is hard to find. Most women are foolish. Some are only average. Just because a woman goes to church or is baptized does not make her a wise lady. A real godly young woman is a rare treasure. If such a woman is hard to find, this means it will take effort and time to find her. Physical beauty is seen almost right away. Inner beauty takes time to come to the surface. You will need to take time to get to know her. You need to talk about faith, repentance, conversion, and salvation with her. Find out how her spiritual health is. Study the scriptures together. It is a good idea to ask her pastor or elders how they view this woman. Hopefully they would have had more time to study her and could give you an unbiased opinion.

Proverbs 19:14 says "House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." Your search for a wise and prudent wife is bound to fail unless God blesses your desires. God can sovereignly lead you a wise woman. So pray! Ask God to guide your search. Pray that you may have wisdom and discernment to recognize a wise woman. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22

The second truth we learn from our text is that it is worth all the time and effort to find a wise woman. An excellent, wise wife is more valuable than jewels or any bank account. She will be a crown to her husband, but a foolish wife brings rottenness to his bones. See Proverbs 12:4. A wise man will want a wise wife. She will be an encouragement to his spiritual life. She will help raise their children in the fear of the Lord. They will be able to serve the Lord together. Their house will be filled with grace and love. A foolish wife will destroy her husband. "It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman." Proverbs 21:19. You don't want to choose a wife based only on outward appearance. You will live to regret it when her ugly heart comes out. Money can't buy you a godly wife. It takes a work of grace in her heart to make such a wife and it takes the sovereignty of God to lead her to you. When you find a wise wife, realize how valuable she is. Protect her. Love her. Care for her. Praise God for her.

-Brad-