Sinfully Selfish

Before I had children, I would not have thought of myself as selfish, at least not very selfish.

Five children later, I know I am selfish.

I know that I do not like getting out at night when I'm sleeping in a nice, warm bed.

I know that I do not like when the laundry mountain piles up and it never seems to end.

I know that I do not like when a new mess appears in minutes when I've just spent hours cleaning.

I could continue...

But, I don't think I realize how selfish I am. Even now.

When I read the Bible, when I read how God the Father sent his only Son to die for us--to take on Himself the wrath of God, I catch a glimpse of God's unselfishness--of his kindness, grace, and mercy.

It is then that I start to realize the extent of my selfishness--how deep it runs.

How sinful selfishness is. How sinful I am.

And it is then that I realize how much I need forgiveness--how much I need Christ's righteousness, because it is only through his saving work on the cross, through the Spirit dwelling in me that I can even start to fight my sinful selfishness.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." -Romans 7:21-25

~fenna